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The Spam Report: Day #68: Final warning from the FBI

Published On: Jan 15 2014 10:22:31 AM CST

Yumi Kimura/Wikimedia Commons

The FBI has released its latest statewide crime statistics for 2012, showing where violent crimes like rape, murder, robbery and aggravated assault are most common. Using those figures, here are the most dangerous states in America, according to violent crime rates per 100,000 people:


"The Chicago Way."

Growing up outside Chicago as a fan of history, I was captivated by the legendary tales surrounding the FBI and guys like John Dillinger and Al Capone. The books I would check out of the library always featured the heroics and dedication of the "G-men," the government agents who risked and often, gave their lives to serve their country in the war on crime.

But there's a certain toughness associated with Chicago, a blue-collar mentality. It was perfectly captured in the film "The Untouchables," where Sean Connery describes to Kevin Costner as Eliot Ness what he's going to need to do to get Capone. (

"The Chicago Way," he describes is if Capone pulls a knife, Ness would need to pull a gun. If Capone sent an agent to the hospital, Ness would need to send one of his gang to the morgue.

That's what came to mind when I read the email submitted for today's Spam Report from Mark Knoll. It's so complex, so detailed and yet, so apparently vindictive from the "FBI" as to what it will do if Mr. Knoll doesn't send the agency $180 because his bank account apparently holds $10.5 million from an "impostor" or "fraudster" in Nigeria.

He's being threatened with arrest, his properties and wealth confiscated, if he does not answer the following note. Specifically, if he does not acquiesce he "will be appearing in court for act of Terrorism, Money Laundering and Drug Trafficking Charges, so be warned not to try any thing funny because you are been watched."

To that, Mr. Knoll told me, he "would take his chances."

If you want to read good fiction, give this a perusal.

Otherwise, you could use the internet version of the Chicago Way. If they send you a fraudulent spam email, you report it to the authorities, send it to me ( and then, just hit delete.

Thanks for sharing, Mr. Knoll.


Sent: Thursday, January 09, 2014 
Importance: High

FBI Headquarters in Washington, D.C.
J. Edgar Hoover Building, 935 Pennsylvania Avenue,
NW Washington, D.C. 20535-0001 USA. is an official site of the U.S. Federal Government, U.S. Department of Justice

Attention:  Funds Beneficiary,


This is the final warning you are going to receive from this office and I hope you understand how many times this message has been sent to you?

We have warned you so many times and you have decided to ignore our e-mails or because you believe we have not been instructed to get you arrested and today if you fail to respond back to us with the payment then we would first send a letter to the mayor of the city where you reside and direct them to close your Bank Account until you have been jailed and all your properties will be confiscated by the Federal Bureau Of Investigation.

Your ID which we have in our database has been sent to all the Crimes Agencies in America for them to insert you in their website as Internet Fraudster and to warn people from having any deals with you; this would have been solved all this while if you had gotten the Certificate Signed, Endorsed and Stamped as you where instructed in the e-mail sent to you earlier.

This is the Federal Bureau Of Investigation (FBI) am using this medium to inform you that there is no more time left to waste; as stated earlier you must do all you can to have the Document Endorsed, Signed and Stamped without failure and you must adhere to this directives to avoid you blaming yourself at last when we must have arrested and jailed you for life and all your properties confiscated.

You failed to comply with our directives and that was the reason why we didn't hear from you on the 3rd as our Executive Director Mr. Thomas S. Mueller has already been notified about you getting the process completed and right now the Warrant Of Arrest has been signed against you and it will be carried out in the next 48hours.

We have investigated and found out that you didn't have any idea when the fraudulent deal was committed with your information's/identity and right now if your ID is placed on our website as a wanted person, I believe you know that it will be a shame to you and your entire family because after then it will be announce in all the local stations that you are wanted by the Federal Bureau Of Investigation.

As a good Christian and a honest man, I decided to see how I could be of help to you because I would not be happy to see you end up in jail and all your properties confiscated all because your information's was used to carry out a fraudulent transactions, I called the Supreme Court of Nigeria and they directed me to a private attorney who could help you get the process done and he stated that he will assist you securing the document at the sum of US$180 Only and I believe this process is cheaper for you.

You need to do everything possible within today and tomorrow to get this process done because our Executive Director Mr. Thomas S. Mueller has called to inform me that the warrant of arrest has been signed against you and once it has been approved, then the arrest will be carried out, and from our investigations we learnt that you were the person that forwarded your identity to one impostor/fraudsters in Nigeria when he had a deal with you about the transfer of some illegal funds into your Bank Account which is valued at the sum of US$10,500,000.00.

I pleaded on your behalf so that this agency could give you 72 hours so that you could get this process done because I learnt that you were sent several e-mail without getting a response from you, please bear it in mind that this is the only way that I can be able to help you at this moment or you would have to face the law and its consequences once it has befall you. You would make the payment through Western Union Money Transfer or Money Gram with the below details.




Make sure that you didn't hesitate in making the payment down to the agency by today or tomorrow so that they can secure the Certificate without any further delay. After all this process has been carried out, then we would have to proceed to the Bank for the transfer of your compensation funds which is valued at the sum of US$10,500,000.00 which was suppose to have been transferred to you all this while.

Note: all the crimes agencies have been contacted on this regards and we shall trace and arrest you if you disregard this instructions. You are given a grace today to make the payment for the document after which your failure to do that will attract a maximum arrest and finally you will be appearing in court for act of Terrorism, Money Laundering and Drug Trafficking Charges, so be warned not to try any thing funny because you are been watched.

Thanks for your co-operation.

Yours Faithfully.
For the FBI Office
Mr. Thomas J. Harrington
Associate Deputy Director