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Sex, relationships can get better with age

By Darlene Dunn
Published On: Dec 07 2011 09:33:59 AM CST
Updated On: Nov 22 2010 09:59:51 AM CST

You don't just get older, you get better, the old adage says. And many believe the same can be said for sex and relationships.

Curtis Weaver says the secret ingredient to successful relationships and a great sex life is understanding one's partner.

"I believe most older people don't have great sex," Weaver says. "I also believe most people at any age don't have great sex. Most don't care enough about the other person to ensure they are satisfied, at any age."

Weaver, an anti-aging expert and host of a Blog Talk Radio show, says having a great relationship and sex does not automatically occur. "If you're having good sex after 60, it's because you've been having good sex for quite a few years before. Good sex is simple: Make sure your partner believes it's good sex too. "

Sex Gets Better

Dr. Dorree Lynn, a psychologist and life coach, says sex definitely improves with age, and she says there are many contributing factors.

Lynn says sex earlier in life is often hormone driven, but as a person ages it is sensuality driven.

"There is more touching, cuddling, kissing as well as intercourse," says Lynn, who is also the founder of Fiftyandfurthermore, which deals with a variety of topics for people embarking on the second half of their lives.

In fact, she frequently hears from clients that the sex they are having as a senior citizen is the best they have ever had.

Another factor is that couples have more time for intimacy. Instead of jumping out of bed to go to work or take care of children, older couples can often lie around and allow more time for satisfaction.

Renegotiate Relationship

Often, couples have to relearn each other once children have moved out, but Lynn says this should not be viewed as a negative occurrence. It is just part of that stage of life.

Lynn, author of "Everything You Wanted To Know About Sex After 50," adds that often couples allow children to take up the bulk of the time and now "the glue that has kept them together no longer exists."

"Long-term relationships require renegotiations," she says. "Use the time to start to spend time with each other enjoying activities, reconnecting sexually. Sometimes things have been pushed to the side because of family dynamics."

If renegotiation is required, Lynn recommends taking walks together, communicating, working out, volunteering and visiting museums or other attractions.

"It is a chance for intimacy that they have never had before," says Lynn.


Rita DeMaria, author of "The 7 Stages of Marriage," calls this stage the reunion stage.

DeMaria's book deals with the various phases that all marriages go through.

DeMaria, like Lynn, views the stage in a positive light.

In this stage there is the "perfect opportunity to take stock of all your marital strengths and to draw on trust, commitment and comfort you've built through the years," she writes.

DeMaria writes that this phase is like your honeymoon but better, because you are "wiser, kinder and emotionally mature."

She adds that many call this the second half of a marriage. She offers a few tips to get through it fairly unscathed.

The tips include simply hanging out with your spouse, planning events that you both enjoy and anticipating that there will be disagreements you can settle.

This all leads up to the final stage, the reunion stage, which she calls a joyful culmination.

"The journey required hard work and patience, love and determination. Defying the odds, you've built a relationship. A home. A family. A life," she writes. "Was it all worthwhile? For most couples, the answer is a resounding 'yes.' "

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